James, this guy is abusive, and you need to ditch him.
I also keep hearing you make comments about how the band has screwed up arrangements, or sound checks. Man, that stuff is ALL in your head. If you are in a calm, happy, positive space where you are communicating on a healthy level with your band, your team, your music will flow from that place, and you will stop worrying about the lemons; instead, you will reach out, grab them, and make lemonade.
I think your band sounds great, you look great, and you are playing great music. Any problem you are having is not skills-related, it is people-related. You have to figure out how to solve your people problems. And what you have posted would have me running the other way.